Q. Congratulations! You have purchased an Anthrax 2000 Multimedia Personal Computer with Digital Doo-Dah Enhancer. It will give many years of faithful service, if you ever get it up and running. Also included with your PC is a special bonus pack of free pre-installed software:- 'Lawn Mowing Planner', 'Blank Screen Saver', 'East Africa Route Finder' and 'X15 Submarine Mechanic' valued at over a fiver, which will provide hours of pointless diversion whilst using up most of your computers spare memory. You are now ready to begin the installation so turn the page and lets get started! Getting Ready: Congratulations, you have successfully turned the page which means you have a high enough IQ to realize things don't look too good. If your delicate PC has arrived in a damaged box, possibly from miss-handling or being dropped, it will be doubtful that the box will be of any use and can be thrown away. Important meaningless note: The Anthrax 2000 is configured to use the 80386, Z80 and ARMITAGE SHANKS processors running at 2,472 hertz on variable speed spin cycle. Check your electrical installation and insurance policies before proceeding. Do not tumble dry. To prevent internal heat build up, select a cool, dry environment for your computer. The bottom shelf of a refrigerator is ideal. Unpack the box and examine its contents. (WARNING: Do not open the box if contents are missing or faulty as this will invalidate your warranty. Return all missing contents in their original packaging with a note explaining where they have gone and a replacement will be sent within twelve working months.) Also, only open the box if you intend to use your PC as this will bind you to the terms and conditions set out in the manual, which will be sent to you when it has been written. The contents of the box (if you have the deluxe model) should include some of the following: Monitor with mysterious De Gauss button; keyboard with 2½ inches of flex; computer unit; miscellaneous wires and cables not necessarily designed for this model; 2,000 page 'Owners Manual' of which 1,987 pages are in 26 different languages; 'Short Guide to the Owners Manual'; 'Quick Start Guide' to the 'Short Guide to the Owners Manual'; 'Laminated Super-Kwik Set-Up Guide for People Who Are Exceptionally Impatient or Stupid'; 1,167 pages of warranties, vouchers, notices in Spanish and other loose pieces of paper; 292 cubic feet of cardboard and Styrofoam packing material. All our PC's are subjected to a rigorous 24 hour 'Burn In - Burn Out' test. Please wipe off any soot from the case before using. Something They Didn't Tell You When You Ordered: Because of the additional power hungry needs of the Computer like switching it on, you will need to acquire an Anthrax 2000 auxiliary hardware upgrade pack, a 900 volt memory capacitor for the auxiliary hardware pack, a 50 megahertz oscillator for the memory capacitor, 64 Gigabytes of additional memory for the oscillator and a small electrical substation. Setting Up: You are now ready to set up your PC. If you have not yet acquired a degree in Electrical engineering, now is the time to do so. Connect the monitor cable (A) to the portside outlet unit (D); attach power offload unit sub-orbiter (Xii) to the co-axial AC/DC servo channel (G); plug the three-pin mouse cable into the keyboard housing unit (make an extra hole if necessary); connect modem (B2) to offside parallel audio/video lineout jack. Alternatively, plug the cables into the most likely looking holes, switch on and see what happens. Additional meaningless note: The wires in the ampule modulator unit are marked as follows: blue = neutral or live; yellow = live or blue; blue and live = neutral and green; black = instant death. Plug in, switch on, and retire to a safe distance. If after plugging in and switching on your PC nothing happens, the items sent to you may have been mislabelled. Please try plugging in the box. Should your computer appear to be working, please contact us immediately as we may need to employ you. Now its time to install your Microsofarsogood software. Insert Disc A (marked 'Disc D' or 'Disc G') into Drive Slot B and type 'Setup' and press Return. If your keyboard does not have a return key, simply press the small spring lever where the Return button should be and wait. After installation, you will be asked to enter your License Verification Number. Your License Verification Number can be found by entering your Certified User Number, which can be found by entering your License Verification Number. If you are unable to find your License Verification or Certified User numbers, call the Software Support Line for assistance. (Please have your License Verification and Certified User numbers handy as the support staff cannot otherwise assist you.) If you have not already lost faith, please insert Installation Diskette 1 in Drive Slot 2 (or vice versa) and follow the instructions on your screen. (Note: owing to software modifications, some instructions will appear in Romanian) At each prompt, select an option most suitable for the installation. As a rule of thumb and general to most installations, the Exit option is always a good bet. If the installation fails with an error message '## Not enough disk space ##' then you should have bought a bigger disk. If the installation is successful, insert Diskette 2, marked 'Diskette 1', and repeat the previous steps with each of the 187 other disks. Should you be unfortunate enough to receive an error message that says: Invalid file path. Abort or Continue? Be warned , Selecting 'Continue' may result in irreversible drive damage and loss of memory. On the other hand, selecting 'Abort' may result in irreversible drive damage and loss of memory. Please select the most appropriate option. When installation is complete, make sure your computer is plugged into the phone socket, type in your Name, Address and Credit Card details and press 'SEND'. This will automatically register you for our free software prize, 'Blank Screensaver IV: Night Time in Deep Space', and allow us to pass your name to lots and lots of computer magazines, online services and other commercial enterprises, who will be getting I touch shortly. If you should see numerous miscellaneous debits on your credit card, this is perfectly normal as it verifies that your modem is working correctly. Please be sure to fill in you warranty registration form and send it to us immediately. Failure to do this will result in us not receiving it. You are now ready to use your computer. Here are some simple exercises to get you off to a flying start: Writing a letter: Type 'Dear' and follow it with the name of someone you know. Write a few lines about yourself, and then write 'Sincerely yours' followed by your own name. Print it off on your new printer that you are about to order from us and Voila! Saving a file: To save your letter, select File Menu. Choose 'Save As', Choose 'Recycle Bin' as the location and press 'OK'. Alternatively, write it in long-hand on a sheet of paper and place it in a drawer. Advice on using the Spreadsheet Facility: Don't! Troubleshooting Section: You will have many, many problems through the life of your computer. These are quite normal and commonplace so don't send anything back to us. Here are a few problems you may encounter and their solutions: Problem: My computer won't turn on Solution/Advice: This is perfectly normal Problem: My keyboard doesn't seem to have any keys. Solution/Advice: Turn the keyboard the right way up. Problem: My foot pedal wont work Solution/Advice: Try using it on the mouse mat instead Problem: My CD Rom won't work. Solution/Advice: This is not a CD-ROM, it's a coffee holder. Problem: I have made a mistake in the word processor. How do I change it? Solution/Advice: Tipp-Ex over the mistake and type it in correctly. Problem: I keep getting a message saying 'General Protection Fault' Solution/Advice: This is probably because you are trying to use the computer. Switch the computer to OFF mode and any messages will disappear. Problem: What exactly will my warranty cover? Solution/Advice: Its big enough to cover your mouse mat Problem: My PC is a useless piece of junk Solution/Advice: You need to upgrade to the Anthrax 3000 turbo model with exclusive limited ability, or trade your PC in for our pen and paper set. ** ** Due to problems with some of our pens, the pen and paper set has been discontinued. This is not an essay, if you don't read it then you'll miss a really good laugh

A. Sometimes when getting a new PC, I can almost see these statement on them. Excellent read! Thoroughly enjoyed it. For those that came in here just for the 2 points and wrote a worthless reponse like 'too long, didn't read', you my friend, are a complete..... well, I can't say the word. But this persons subject line mentioned it was long and you should have the brain power to read that and not even bother...... again, you SHOULD have the brain power. I can read that you don't.

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Q. HVAC installers are tight lipped on product. So I never know what is product and what is labor. Please, someone help! @SandShark - Then what would you price an installation of G60UHV-60C-090 and XC16-048? I have found an australia price list, done the conversion, and it seems like the 2 pieces would cost roughly $4K @SandShark That's good to know, again, i'm going off a slightly different price list. I'm being quoted roughly $9K for the full install. Seems like I'm getting taken for a ride.

A. The reason being is because of how the invoice you don't see is itemized. You will never get a Lennox dealer to tell you equipment costs. Additional Details Response: I don't have a price sheet with me, but I'd say $4K for those two pieces of equipment is probably low. That's a 17+ SEER two-speed condensing unit. They're not cheap. That furnace isn't cheap, either. I believe it's a two-stage 95% efficient variable speed furnace. That is some high-end equipment. Additional Details Response 2: It's hard for me to say if $9K is too much. What all are you having done? Is it a retrofit (taking out old equipment) or a completely new installation (duct work, sheet metal fabrication, refrigerant lines, electrical, etc.)? The only way you'll know if you're being taken is to get a couple of more estimates from other contractors. We've put in many systems that cost as much and more than $9K. Plus, every job is different. No two installations are the same. Some are more difficult to install than others. Time of year will affect price, too.

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Q. I want to get my earnest money back, and I want ALL OF IT !! I made an offer on a house with the intentions of living in it not rehabbing it. The offer was accepted, and we had the home inspected. There are a lot of things wrong with the house. It costs more money to repair these things than I can afford, and besides I'd rather buy something worth the money I would have to spend, rrather than put money into the house for major things. The house needs new windows, tuckpointing all around and a new roof. Here is a letter I wrote to the seller, tell me what u think. HELP !!!! All these problems need to be remedied before this transaction can go any further. If the issues are not addressed we will continue on our search for a home. FURNACE The furnace/central air needs to be properly and completely installed and functioning. The furnace needs a shut off valve, and a plastic exhaust pipe. Debris in the "clean out" area at the base of the chimney should be removed as part of system service. PLUMBING The old steel piping is subject to corrosion on the interior of the pipe. As corrosion builds up, the inside diameter of the pipe becomes constricted, resulting in a loss of water pressure. This piping is typically replaced when the loss of pressure can no longer be tolerated. ELECTRICAL Extension cords should not be used as permanent wiring. This wiring should be removed through out the house. Poor connections between newer wiring and the old-knob-and-tube wiring were observed. All connections of this type should be performed within junction boxes, fitted with cover plates. The installation of a ground fault circuit interrupter (GFCI) is required in the kitchen and bathroom. GFCI offers increased protection from shock or electrocution. STRUCTURE Evidence of termite damage was observed and there is risk of additional hidden damage since termites can do a substantial amount of damage. If the property hasn't already been treated, a licensed pest control specialist should be engaged to eliminate further termite activity within the home. All damaged wood should be repaired or replaced. ROOFING The downspout should discharge water at least 5 feet from the house. Storm water should be encouraged to flow away from the building at the point of discharged. Install downspout at left rear section of house. Stairs leading to basement need hand rails. Drop ceiling in same area needs to be repaired. The fireplace needs a damper. All appliances must stay.

A. Well did you make your offer based on it passing inspection or your obtaining financing? Those are two very common terms when putting down earnest money. Did you understand what Earnest Money was? The earnest money is an amount of money that the buyer puts up to show he or she is serious about purchasing the property. The money represents the buyer's commitment to buy and acts as an unofficial option on the property. After receiving an earnest money check, the seller will usually stop showing the property, and wait to see if the buyer can get a mortgage. Earnest money is important to the transaction because it shows the seller that the buyer is operating in good faith (hence the name, "earnest"). The bigger the deposit, the more reassuring it is to the seller, who thinks, "This buyer is serious.'' It also ties the buyer to the property and keeps him or her from looking for additional properties. When Do I Get The Earnest Money Back? If the sale goes through, the earnest money is used as part of the cash down payment and is paid to the seller. If the sale does not go through because of a reason covered by a contingency in the contract (if, for example, the buyer could not get a mortgage), the seller should sign a release of escrow and the earnest money will be refunded to the buyer. The earnest money should also be refunded to the buyer if the sale does not go through because of a problem on the seller's side. If, however, the buyer backs out of the deal for no reason at all, or for a reason that is not covered by a contingency, return of the earnest money may go to the seller. FSBO (For Sale By Owner) Earnest Money If negotiating directly with the seller without the assistance of a Realtor®, never give the earnest money directly to the seller. If you are dealing with a for-sale-by-owner seller who insists upon earnest money before a contract can be executed, write the check to their lawyer or closing attorney or your lawyer or closing attorney, and write fiduciary agent after the lawyers name. This money will then go into a trust, or escrow, account until the negotiations are completed, the contract signed, and all contingencies met. If the deal falls apart, you'll get it back. But if you give the earnest money directly to the seller, you may never see it again, or you may have to go to court to get it back. Good Luck to you.

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Q. I received a bid today for a partial basement remodel from an acquaintance of mine that I'm pretty confident I can trust. He quoted me $6,500 to complete 625 square feet. This includes dry wall, the ceilings, outlets, canned lighting, carpet, 3 doors and paint. Is this a pretty good price? Also, I have a home equity line of credit with 3.75% interest. I think I should use this because it's tax deductable. I can't pay cash and don't want to use a credit card. Well, I could pay half cash and half line of credit but I don't want to break myself paying for this all up front. Is the HELOC a good idea? Thanks. wow. Thanks for the detialed advice. Um, yes he is putting 2 x 4 studs in and blowing insulation in. The painting will be contracted out to a painter, the electrical to an electrician and the carpet to a local company. It sounds like the guy is in charge of the job but contracting most of it out. It also includes stipled ceiling, switch installation on dimmers and base/casing (whatever that is).

A. I think you need to get three or four estimates..all need to be written and describing exactly what is included. Write out what you want done to your space, so each contractor can bid accordingly. I have to tell you, I do not like working with friends (unless it is just for an afternoon having dinner or beer as pay). Do not make a decision until you have all the estimates. As for paying..that is a personal decision you need to make on your own or with your financial advisor from the bank. A word of advice..wiring should be done by a licensed electrician and do not cheap out on the recessed lighting.

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Q. In artesia, California well i'm basically remodeling a house that i just bought and there is quite a bit to do with it. like floors, cabinet installation, electrical work, install shower door, change windows... let me know if anyone is interested.

A. Does anyone know any handy-men/general contractors that will do a good job for $100 a day? Surely some immigrant labor would do so..

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Q. FRAMERS/CARPENTERS Do you think this is a good price to build a garage? The garage is 32'x28' one story, 2x6 walls framed 16" on center, T-111 siding and roof trusses running 35' across the building.( all roof trim and soffits included) It will have 2 -10' garage doors (doors and installation are a seperate price) 1 entry door and no windows. Also to be built is a breezeway, which consists of 2- 5"x16"x14' engineered beams that have to be cut into the existing house walls, that carry roof trusses and tie the existing house roof and the new garage roof together, creating 2 valleyes on the new garage roof, no walls below.( NOTE: the garage sits at 15 degree offset from the house) Also the roof will be covered with metal roofing. There is a slab already poured. I live in New Hampshire The price is for LABOR ONLY With the breezway, the total square footage is 1088' The project will take 3-4 weeks Is 15K a good price for labor to put this building up. Too high? Too low?

A. This just seems high to me. The slab is already in. You do not mention electrical or any inside finishing (drywall). Essentially it just sounds like you are framing and finishing the exterior. For just labor with no material costs included this sounds $5-7K too high. And what you describe is only about a weeks actual work tops. I don't live in New Hampshire, but I do live in the West where construction is booming.

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Q. I have a flat and the bathroom is smallish - with toilet/sink/bathtub. what would the average cost be if i got contractors to remove it all and install new ones, including tiling the floors, painting / wallpapering the walls / plumbing? thanks for your help.

A. We'd charge anything from 1500 to 3000 depedning upon quality of equipment being installed, the location, access and egress. Electrical installation work etc etc.. so, i'd recommend budgeting between a grand and three grand if you want a good reasonable job done!!

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Q. I need to have cabinets and a laminate countertop installed. I've found the ones I want; they're mid-to-lower range and cost approx $3800 together. The linear space is approx 10x12 ft; the setup will be the same so no need (most likely) for any plumbing, electrical or other specialized work. The materials seem to be a fair price, but the company is quoting me $2100 for installation, which seems pretty crazy given that it's more than 50% the cost of my materials. Is this reasonable or should I be able to find it cheaper elsewhere? Thanks Trades--the company isn't huge, not national (I don't think) but does have more than one retail location. Their installation prices were similar to what HD/lowe's was giving me. I was thinking that because they have reasonable costs for the hardware they gouge their install fees but wasn't sure!

A. Fleepflawp; This install price is way out of line. By the description and price of the cabinets you've conveyed this is at the most a one day install and $500 at the most is more than fair. If I was being quoted something like this I'd pull the whole job away and shop it out elsewhere just on principal. Just out of curiosity, who's proposed this. . . a major retailer, or independent? If a retailer let me guess either Sears or Home Depot? If I can be any additional help to you please don't hesitate to ask. I hate to see people being taken advantage of by the trades. Mike Lonergan TradesProfessional, Inc. http://tradesprofessional.us or .com

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